Insurance comes in many forms; from the legally required policy on car insurance to the sensible options of dental insurance and housing insurance. However, some types of insurance are as mad as a box of frogs that have been fed popping candy. If you prefer to stand on the edge of caution then you may want to insure yourself against some of the following possible outcomes.
Alien Abduction
We’ve all been there. Where? I don’t know, I can’t remember anything about the last eight hours. – If this sounds like something that you would say then there is a high probability that you have been abducted by aliens. What about all that lost income? What about the traumatic stress that you have had to endure as a result of the knowing suspicion that you have been whizzed off into outer space? If this happens to you again then you should seriously consider taking out an insurance policy that covers you against the possibility of being abducted by aliens.
This kind of insurance has predominantly been popular in rural parts of America and England, where aliens tend to visit due to the beautiful scenery and country walks. An alien abduction policy will set you back around £200 per annum, which will cover you for £2 million worth of alien induced trauma. This type of policy will insure you against the stress of abduction; the physical harm dealt to you as a result of an alien examination as well as covering you should you become pregnant by an alien being. Furthermore, cover against alien impregnation is not only limited to females; insurers are readily aware that the unknown capabilities of alien technology could well result in a man falling pregnant at the hands of aliens and so have helpfully factored in for this in some of their more specialised alien abduction policies.
Immaculate Conception Insurance
Now this would have been a handy one to have around in Zero BC. The Second Coming of Christ may well be imminent so it’s important that you get yourself covered for an outcome such as this; raising a child is never cheap and God only knows – literally – what kind of gifts you’ll have to bestow on the next Saviour. As a benchmark, last time, it was gold, frankincense and myrrh and those things don’t come cheap.
One Essex based insurance company offered the Immaculate Conception policy to three Christian sisters in 2000 and noted that the cover was meant to pay for the bringing up of Christ if one of them were to have a virgin birth.
The three sisters each paid a premium of £100 and stood to gain a pay-out of £1 million if any of them bore the Son of God. Sadly however, no insurance company presently insures against the possibility of being abducted by aliens and then being impregnated by aliens with the Son of God; for some insurers the time taken to fill out the policy forms on that kind of premium is more hassle than it’s really worth.
Vampire and Werewolf Insurance
It’s so annoying when you’re turned into a vampire isn’t it? You can only work at night and then there’s the added stress of having to fork out for an expensive castle and a candle set. At least if you turn into a werewolf you can just go and live in a cave, but then again, you can only come out on a full moon and the amount of money that you’d have to spend of razors would be excessive.
Thankfully, one of the more considerate insurance companies out there has got you covered for this too. An insurance company in America has a policy that compensates you or your partner for the inconvenience of being turned into a vampire or a werewolf and the aftermath that such an experience will undoubtedly have on your livelihood. These policies pay out up to $220,000, which is enough to be able to buy yourself a small castle in West Virginia or a luxury cave in California.
Car Insurance
Car insurance isn’t weird. What’s weird is the amount of money that people waste on it without shopping around for a good deal on cheap car insurance.
Whether you’ve been impregnated by aliens, are raising the Son of God or have turned into a vampire or a werewolf you’ve undoubtedly got a hard road ahead of you. Fortunately, you can make driving on that road a little less stressful by taking out some cheap car insurance that covers you against fire and theft; leaving you with more money to spend on baby food or to redecorate your crypt.
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